The Lost Scream

Recently I was talking to another social worker about a self-defense group for girls. I talked to her about how the girls were encouraged to be loud and yell and to be heard. She commented that she wished she could do that. "Self defense?" I asked her curiously. "No...I mean yell, scream whatever...I just can't do it anymore", she replied. "When I was around 11 I realised that I had lost my ability. I had been told and reminded for so long that it wasn't ok to yell, to scream and I lost it".

For me her words struck a chord. How many of us have lost that ability to yell from the heart... to cry out and to express an emotion instead of being focused on that sense of control we must maintain. Don't get me wrong, there is something to be said for a time and place, but when we lose that ability it feels like we have lost a part of who we are. This shutting off, comes as a gradual shift in us. We stop running on the playground and yelling, we stop that raucous loud voice we use when with a best friend. We often begin to internalise our feelings. In some cases we lose our ability to express our emotions. so we withdraw instead of yelling, we laugh but don't make eye-contact and we create that sensation of wearing a scarf around our throats thats just a little bit too tight.

On an individual level we can find our voice again. We can use that voice to realise our desire to cry out in pain or anguish. We can use it to express joy and happiness. We can move from the inward control to the outside release and in the process we can be kind to ourselves. Keeping your emotions in check is often seen as a sign of strength but the real strength lies in the ability to blow that loud whistle, to yell and rail and own your emotions and your reactions. The next time you feel that voice has been silenced , nurture it, care for it and like the flowers that are now in bloom use it and OWN IT!