Comparanoia

As I was reading the other day, I came across a word that someone had made up called "Comparanoia". The person described it as poison for our own sense of self-worth and confidence. It's based on a notion that we compare ourselves to others and become convinced that we are lacking in some way, that we don't measure up. I would challenge that the comparison itself is not the issue. The issue is the meaning or interpretation we take from the comparison.

Imagine someone had just created a New Years classic resolution of going to the gym. Now imagine they go to the gym and see lots of regular members who look good. That person could compare themselves and say, "I can't wait to look like that". They can also say " Ugh I won't ever be able to look like that". Both comments come from a comparison but in one the person has a positive meaning to the comparison while the other creates a negative meaning comparison. It's not hard to imagine which type of thinking leads to breaking that New Years Resolution!

I can envision someone reading this thinking I should be talking about how "you shouldn't compare yourself to anyone" but if we are real about this, it's almost impossible to get away from the idea of comparisons. We do it everyday whether we are picking out fruit or buying a computer. We are taught from a young age that things are "good" or "bad" and "right" or "wrong" so its not difficult to see how we start to internalize these polarizations in how we think , behave and feel about ourselves. When clients talk to me about their strengths and weaknesses they often have formed their ideas based on comparisons to others. At times they see their problems as being insurmountable because they have compared it to where they want to be and thought "I am so far from that...". The solution is to then choose to accept a positive meaning comparison. If you can choose a positive meaning comparison you are able to boost your confidence level. If you know you are prone to "comparanoia" and you are struggling, ask yourself what type of meaning you are giving your comparison. Are you feeding the positive or negative thoughts and meaning? Don't forget that it's what we feed that grows. Choose to grow positive meanings in your comparisons. Creating positive meanings in your comparisons, can be the beginning of a real new resolution that can inspire, transform and create long lasting change.